I think I can feel with you, my shadow...
lost my mum after a 3 weeks coma 5 years ago, my dad died more than 10 years ago with same cancer as your mum after 5 years of struggling.It was sometimes hard for me to see them suffer (Ilived always close to them) and it was a longer time to say good-bye to him, but it also was , besides too early in their early seventies, some kind of relief. Today I still have my moments I miss them, cause they gave me real good shelter, and I would like to ask them this or that once a while- must be because I love and respect them still. I think it must be quite similar with you- I wish you can stand the loss!